Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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