and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
