so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
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I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
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DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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