I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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