I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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