I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
