the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
