Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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