last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
