4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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