Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
