my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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