i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
All the doctor said was why
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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