if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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