Texts From Last Night

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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"

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  (319): Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in" http://tfl.nu/15za
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."

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  (303): maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..." http://tfl.nu/5h2o
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense

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  (440): i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense http://tfl.nu/65hc
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Fuck 8am classes

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes

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  (330): Fuck 8am classes (330): Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes http://tfl.nu/x2hf
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  (813): View more from Florida

  He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL

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  (813): He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL http://tfl.nu/4831
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  (954): View more from Florida

  We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.

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  (954): We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver. http://tfl.nu/zvig
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944

  (720): View more from Colorado

  and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate

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  (720): i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944 (720): and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate http://tfl.nu/x2vg
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall

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  (219): I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall http://tfl.nu/2grv
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.

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  (262): Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life. http://tfl.nu/enlv
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.

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  (817): Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday. http://tfl.nu/w47f
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yeah, that was you

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  (215): Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick? (215): Yeah, that was you http://tfl.nu/rydz
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.

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  (404): Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs. http://tfl.nu/h5fh
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  (619): View more from California

  Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up

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  (619): Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up http://tfl.nu/pxnj
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM

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  (336): Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM http://tfl.nu/7din
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball

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  (732): That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball http://tfl.nu/r3bp
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