Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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