i need an iv and a liver transplant
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
