we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
