So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
