so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
