like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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