totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
