What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
