Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
