you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
