Can i not drive my cunt home
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
