i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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