My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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