You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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