11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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