I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
