So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
