my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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