she was so not down for the gang bang
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
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He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
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We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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