I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize