Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Randomize
