when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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