Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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