Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
