Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
There r osticjed everywhere
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
