My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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