I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
