Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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