i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
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I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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