Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
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