My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
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