If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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