his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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