and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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