The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.