My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...