I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.