Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..