I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
its liver damage thursday
Randomize