i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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