you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
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the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
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I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT