it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
21 People That Are Skilled At Illegal Activities
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We don't watch enough power rangers
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.