found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.