It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I want to be your penis for a week.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.